Emotions are an expression of how we feel. They are an integral part of our human experience. They are a message about our state of being and the most important indicator of ‘how we are’ in the world. Emotions are intimately linked to beliefs and thoughts.
Emotions form into two distinct groups:
* Those that have a basis of trust and acceptance and associated with being: uplifted, light, calm, positive, balanced, centered, harmonized.
* Those that have a basis of fear and associated with being: heavy, turbulent, negative, unbalancing, decentering, disharmonizing.
All emotions are valid and it is natural to experience both those that bring a sense of harmony as well as disharmony. Emotions naturally flow -they arise, gather intensity, are expressed and then dissolve away. This normally occurs in a matter of seconds or minutes.
Issues arise with emotions (of both aspects) when they become:
- Repressed – never allowed to be expressed
- Denied – their existence is not acknowledged
- False – deluding oneself that we feel a certain way
- Dominant – often prevent and overpower all other feelings
- Grasping – trying to hold onto an emotion, not letting it go
- Projection – making others responsible for our emotions
The harmonizing and uplifting emotions arise from the core aspects of our being and mind, the part that exists in the ‘now’ and resides behind the thoughts and intellect. These emotions are a natural unconditional expression of the joy and love that exists within us, and in every cell of our body. The disharmonizing feelings arise from the surface level of the mind where thoughts, beliefs, values, memories, programmed reactions exist and induce turbulence into the emotions. This part of the mind pays attention to the past and future not the present.
Every emotion is a gift: the harmonizing emotions bring a sense of aliveness, connection, openness and joy to be alive. The disharmonizing ones bring a message about some part of us that needs to be listened to, nurtured and loved like a young child, allowing some aspect of us to grow and be transformed, so we can experience true joy. By acknowledging turbulent, heavy, unbalancing emotions and examining what caused their emergence, this brings understanding to why we act the way we do and the nature of our suffering.
Listening to, feeling and experiencing emotions, teaches us about who we are. Experiencing emotions is experiencing the self. Often people repress emotions (both positive and negative) because they do not want to look at themselves or they believe they should not experience certain feelings. We are solely responsible for how we feel, but it is the human nature to ‘blame’ and empower others with how we feel. Taking responsibility for our own feelings is a powerful step for self growth.
A quiet, harmonized emotional state gives the ability to hear the inner wise voice that can guide our decisions to lead us to true joy, fulfilment and experience of love. Noisy, turbulent emotions drown out the voice of our inherent wisdom and intuition.
NES research has found that the heart’s role in transferring information in the HBF is greatly influenced by dominant emotions. Disharmonious emotional states restrict the free flow of information while harmonious ones enhance information flow. Also, disharmonizing emotions lead to an over energized state whereas harmonizing tends to restore the energy state.
The use of various techniques such as Thought Field Therapy, Emotional Freedom Technique, Matrix Reimprinting, Neuro Linguistic Programming and hypnosis can be used to successfully harmonize the process of emotional reactions, reducing emotional turmoil and increasing emotional balance.
POSITIVE EMOTIONS to INCREASE
Love is an unconditional, accepting state of being that resides within everyone. It may be experienced as a serene, calm, soft, joyful state of appreciation and interconnection with the self, others and nature. Love is a transparent ‘force’ which underlies the experience of life. It is an experience of oneness with yourself and others. Love involves letting go of and surrendering the need to control others. Love has powerful transformational properties. It gently but powerfully transforms disharmony into harmony, anger into peace, fear into trust, insecurity into security.
Giving and receiving love is a natural and uplifting exchange, however people often put conditions on when they will allow the exchange of love. Becoming aware of the restrictive conditions (beliefs) around love is an important step in experiencing love and letting it into your life.
Compassion involves non judgmental awareness and understanding of others, the self and situations. It includes selfless acceptance of others for who they are and acknowledging that people are not their behavior and actions, they are something deeper than this. Compassion involves acknowledging people act in the best way they can in the situations they face with the knowledge and abilities they have. They are learning to better deal with life situations through the lessons life gives them.
Compassion involves disconnecting from the ego, self importance, pride, sense of self and putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Seeing the truth of others and acknowledging all their parts. Compassion above all involves being compassionate to the self, caring for yourself, valuing yourself and your time.
Joy is a deep feeling and condition of happiness, freedom and contentment. It comes from a feeling of inner peace, an ability to freely give and receive, and appreciation of the self and others. It is a state of gratitude and compassion, a feeling of connection with the deeper self.
Joy involves being in the now with a profound sense of wellbeing.
Deep joy involves having a direction (path) in life that is congruent with the true self and doing things you love to do. It comes from seeing the things around you are an expression of your inner beauty.
Peace is a harmonious state of being, free from troubling thoughts, stress and emotional upset.
Maintaining deep inner peace involves being unattached on an emotional level to things that happen in the world you see around you. This involves having a clear, deep understanding of who you are so you can let things flow around you without touching or affecting your sense of self and peace.
Deep peace comes from an open heart and involves radiating peace outwards to the world around. Radiating peace liberates the feeling of fear, self criticism, self doubt. Forgiveness of the self and others is required to experience inner peace.
Deep trust involves faith that life will bring to you what you need when you need it and you will be able to cope with the situations you are faced with. Trust involves letting go of fear and suspicion and acknowledging your vulnerability. Trust in your own intuition and deeper wisdom is an important step in developing trust in the self.
Achieving things in life involves having intentions and setting goals. Trust involves the faith that the essence of what you want will manifest without the need to desperately holding on to the end goal, forcing it to happen. It involves letting go of control of planning all the small details and believing that others will help you. Trust is release attachment to the end goal and paying attention to what is happening now.
Increase your sense of trust by becoming aware of the hidden strings and beliefs you have about when and when it is not allowed. Accepting yourself for who you are and others for who they are is an important aspect of experiencing inner trust.
Acceptance is a powerful way of relieving stress. Accepting people, situations, things and the self for what and who they are allows a feeling of trust and peace. Accepting what comes to us in life will help us reach a state of true happiness and joy.
Non acceptance of events in life is a form of denial.
Accepting that a situation exists does not mean you have to remain in that situation for life is a dynamic process of change. Accepting things for what they are allows rapid positive transformation. Denial inhibits transformation.
Accepting people for who they are, not who you want them to be (control) allows a greater sense of freedom.
One way of bringing in a state of acceptance is to consider, no matter what happens to you, it is normal. All people go through a common set of emotional experiences. Circumstances may be different but there is a common set of emotional reaction. Accepting your experience of life as normal allows acceptance of life and the dissolving of stress.
Contentment is the experience of happy, peaceful satisfaction and being at ease with one’s situation. Contentment involves a state of mind in which one’s desires are confined to accepting what one has. It is also about accepting things will change, nothing stays the same forever.
Contentment of life involves a clear understanding of the self, releasing the ego, acceptance, appreciation and trust. Contentment is in many ways the opposite of fighting for what one wants.
Humility is the quality of being humble: modest, not proud or arrogant, doing something out of the goodness of your heart, not for yourself. Humility is self expression from the heart not the ego. Humility involves realising everyone and everything is equally important and no one is centre of the universe. Humility involves being willing to listen, being open and accepting you may not have all the answers.
Only if you feel good about yourself can you express humility. It involves faith, trust and belief in who you are. Humility involves not putting others down, rejecting or making other feel bad. Equally humility involves not putting yourself down, rejecting aspects of the self or making you feel bad.
Humility is an experience where everything is interconnected and realizations that by criticizing, rejecting or judging others you are criticizing, rejecting or judging yourself.
A feeling of thankfulness for what one has received or will receive without feeling the need to pay back or be in debt. Gratitude takes you away from judgment, worry and doubt. It brings you closer to feeling the joy of life.
Giving thanks opens the heart and allows you to open to receive more of what you want. It is not so much about how much you receive materially; it is more about receiving the love of the gifts that come your way. Whatever you appreciate and give thanks for will increases. People are drawn to give to those who are grateful for things they receive.
Noticing and thanking the everyday things you take for granted such as: water, air, food, your body…….. allow you to increases your awareness of life and the good things there in. Noticing and looking for the good things about others helps you notice and appreciate the good things in yourself.
A state of being that allows one to confidently make choices based on knowledge and motivation. It involves being encouraged to gain the skills and knowledge that will allow the overcoming of obstacles in life and developing the self.
Empowerment includes the following, or similar, capabilities:-
- The ability to make decisions about personal/collective circumstances.
- Ability to consider a range of options from which to choose (not just yes/no, either/or).
- Ability to exercise assertiveness in collective decision making.
- Having positive-thinking about the ability to make change.
- Ability to learn and access skills for improving personal/collective circumstance.
- Involving in the growth process and changes that is never ending and self-initiated.
- Increasing one’s positive self-image and overcoming stigma.
This is about having a sense of deep meaning and purpose to daily activities. Meaningful activities are things you want to do, are drawn to do, fit your demeanor and have a sense of fulfillment about them. Having meaningfulness gives a sense of life purpose, being captain of your ship, expressing your true self and choosing the overall purpose of what you do, from your free will.
The meaning behind what you do is often more important than what it is you actually do. Simple acts with good intention are often the most powerful.
Having meaning to your life leads to the experience of satisfaction, happiness, empowerment, joy and peace with one’s self. It allows a deeper connection with others, nature and society.
A calm, balanced and stable state is reflective of a sense of security. A secure state of being leads to a quiet mind and emotions, allowing the reflective space to consider important decisions and look at life before taking action. Being secure involves having the self confidence to show vulnerability without fear or doubt.
To determine your state of security notice how you are affected by others actions. Do you stay balanced and secure no matter what they do or say or emotions they express.
Security involves being able to face growth and change, not becoming stuck with fear of change or being judged by others.
NEGATIVE EMOTIONS to REDUCE
Regret is a feeling of remorse or sorrow to past actions or behavior. Regret is often felt when someone feels sadness, shame, embarrassment, depression, annoyance or guilt after committing an action or actions that the person later wishes that he or she had not done. Regret is distinct from guilt, which is a deeply emotional form of regret.
Regret can describe not only the dislike for an action that has been committed, but also, importantly, regret of inaction. Many people find themselves wishing that they had done something in a past situation.
Blame is judging the actions of others or the self and making responsible for the outcome. Blame is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible. It is the opposite of praise.
Blaming is a way of devaluing others with the blamer feeling superior.
When blaming becomes habitual or excessive, it may be indicating the blamer is not taking responsibility for what is happening or changing things. Blame is an internal reaction to outside events and we may not be able to change outside events, particularly if they are in the past, but we can take responsibility for changing our reactions to them. Forgiveness is a powerful way of doing this.
Worry is experienced as anxiety or concern about a real or imaginary issue, usually personal issues. Most people experience short-lived periods of worry in their lives without incident; indeed, a moderate amount of worrying may even have positive effects, if it prompts people to take precautions. When worry becomes a chronic or habitual response then this can be a problem.
Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond was formed. Losses can range from loss of employment, pets, status, a sense of safety, order, or possessions, to the loss of loved ones.
It is generally recognised that with grief people move through an orderly and predictable series of responses: Denial, Anger, Bargaining (false hope), Depression, Acceptance – being a fairly well accepted series.
Envy is a grudging emotion that occurs when a person lacks another’s (perceived) superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it. Envy can be derived from low self-esteem.
Jealousy includes feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that is valued such as a relationship, friendship or status. Jealousy often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust.
Abandonment has two aspects: being abandoned yourself and you abandoning something.
Being abandoned is a sense of being excluded or rejected from a personal relationship or social situation. Abandonment can be experienced as an active process (bullying, teasing, ridiculing) or passive (being ignored).
Abandoning is the withdrawing from something that you were actively involved in and cared about but felt unable to carry on with.
Resentment is felt as a result of a real or imagined wrong doing and associated with anger, spite, and bitterness.
When the person feeling resentment is directing the emotion at themselves it appears as remorse.
Resentment can result from a variety of situations, involving a perceived wrong doing to an individual and often sparked by expressions of injustice or humiliation. Also emotional rejection or denial by another person, deliberate embarrassment or belittling by another person, or ignorance, putting down, or scorn by another person can lead to a state of resentment.
Contempt is an intense feeling or attitude of regarding someone or something as inferior, or worthless.
Shock, Horror, Terror
An acute stress reaction in response to a terrifying or traumatic event. There is a deep conflict in emotions and the way we want to experience things and the way we are experiencing things.
Horror is the feeling of revulsion that usually occurs after something frightening is seen, heard, or otherwise experienced. It is the feeling generated when coming to an awful realization or experiencing a deeply unpleasant occurrence. Horror is more related to being shocked or scared (being horrified), while terror is more related to being anxious or fearful, of being terrified.
Anger, Rage, Frustration
Anger is an emotion related to one’s perception of having been offended or wronged and being provoked into undoing that wrongdoing by retaliation.
Anger is a powerful feeling and is a term used to cover a wide range of experiences including: annoyance, rage, frustration, irritation, anxiety, and resentment. Anger is expressed though facial expressions and body language before acts of aggression occur.
As well as the obvious associations to anger it can also be the root to: superiority, righteousness and self pity. Depression is associated with anger turned inwards.
Anger can be beneficial if it motivates you to leave a situation that is not beneficial. However it is also possible to be in a calm, peaceful and wise space and choose to move.
Anger like all emotions is an internal experience and blaming others or events for your anger, is giving away your power, taking you out of your centre. It is giving responsibility for you to others it is not taking responsibility for yourself.
Guilt is an affective state in which one experiences conflict at having done something that one believes one should not have done (or conversely, having not done something one believes one should have done). This is often associated with violating a moral standard and may involve something that is shameful, hurtful or violent.
Shame is an emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, disgrace or disgust. Often associated with the violation of cultural, moral or social values.
Shame may also come from a sense of inadequacy.
A loss and abandonment of hope for the future. A feeling associated with believing a situation or even everything in one’s life is not going well with a bleak future where things will not change for the better. No possible solution exists. The viewing horizon of possibilities is restricted to that of no hope.
One of the inevitabilities of life is that situations change, nothing is permanent. There are always many ways of viewing any one situation and depending on the view, the experience will change.
An emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain, danger, undesirable event. Fear usually involves predicting future events will unfold in a way that threatens the self; even if the fear is expressed as a concern for another.
Fear involves being in the future not the now. It is an emotional reaction to things that have not yet happened, and may not do so. There may be a fear of change and going into the unknown.
Fear may be specific to a particular event or it can be an undercurrent that dominates many aspects of someone’s life.
Fear may show as self critical thoughts, a fear of disappointing others, living up to expectations.
It is often disguised as logical and rational reasoning of why things will or won’t happen in a particular way. A thinking process that limits or biases the scope of possibilities to the undesirable.
The experience of fear may be covered up with blaming others, not taking responsibility, getting angry or quiet. This can be the case when avoiding something that is not wanted to be faced up to or acknowledged.
The opposites to fear is trust and love.
Facing fear with trust and love is a powerful way of dissolving it.
The first stage to transforming fear is to accept your fears, discovering what they are, acknowledge them and the importance they are to you. The next stage is to trust you have the ability to face your fears and take responsibility to do so. The more you look fear in the face the less power it has, the less dominate it becomes, the more it dissolves and transforms. Sending love to your fears in the same way you would to a friend in distress is a powerful way of disarming them.